A Celebration

Last week when my father was here we celebrated his birthday. We decorated with streamers and signs, he opened his presents while we all watched, and we enjoyed a Carvel's ice cream cake. It was a nice break from everything to be able to share in his birthday celebration.

Of course, the cake for granddaddy had to be addressed with the name my girls affectionately call him...Jim-Jam!!!

While dad was here I snapped a photo of him taking a nap with his buddy, Shelly, right next to him doing the same. I loved seeing them together on the couch enjoying an afternoon snooze.

The Story of the Dishcloth

Several years ago my mother organized a group of women together who wanted to learn how to knit. I was one of the attendees as was my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and good friend, Bonnie. Mom had us all meet in the living room and she had a set of yarn, knitting needles, and instructions put together for each of us. We laughed and tried to stay on track as she patiently instructed us in the fine art of knitting. Our goal was to create a dishcloth. I am one who easily becomes frustrated if I can't get a project going easily, so this task was very difficult for me. She helped me over and over again on the fine art of how to slip the yarn over the needles and make a stitch. I was a very poor student, but I remember having such a great time with her that evening. We all left with our unfinished dishcloths in our bags and the instructions on how to finish them. Once home, I placed the packet of directions, needles, and yarn up on the shelf of my closet. It was always there with the intent to pull it down and work on it or ask my mom for help when she came for a visit. I never got around to finishing it and I pulled it down off of the shelf yesterday and, as I'm sure you can imagine, I cried.

I feel a bit like the unfinished dishcloth. My mother has left me with a lifetime of instructions on how to best live my life and she has given me the tools with which to do it. But, as I sit here thinking of her, I feel unfinished and incomplete and I just wish she was here to help me weave all of the pieces back together and to guide me through her list of life's lessons.

I miss you mom.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday, Mom. We love you so much and miss you more than words can say.

When the Going Gets Tough

My wish for others is that they might have a support system like my own. I've spoken of my father's strength and how important he has been to all of us. Two other people who have been my leaning posts are my sisters, Kathy and Linda. It is such a tribute to my parents that as grown women, my sisters and I can all count on one another to be there in the dark and difficult times. I am so thankful for my "big" sisters. They provide so much more than a listening ear...they are there to lift me up and make me whole again. It's a tough job, but I think we are all finding that we each need one another at different times and we are all, most definitely, there for each other.

"We are Family...I got all my sisters with me."

Here we are in the 60s...Kathy, Linda, and me

Happy Birthday, Dad

Today is my father's birthday and we are so happy that he is here with us to celebrate. We have decorated the house for him and plan to open gifts this afternoon. Of course, a Foster birthday party isn't complete unless we have some ice cream cake. So, that will be the finishing touch for his day. Happy, happy birthday, dear dad. We love you.

A favorite photo from August of '08 (mom, dad, and the girls in Virginia Beach)

Confusing

I am boggled by the thought that life moves on. Everywhere I go people are laughing, talking, living their lives. As my mother's life has come to a stop, I can't believe that I had to do something as mundane as getting new tires for my car today. It had to be done, I know. But in the grand scheme of things it seemed so trivial. As I glance around at life I am smacked in the face with the message that life is short and there are some really big and important things to focus on and some really petty and unnecessary things to worry about. So, if I don't seem too concerned about someone's dull injustices right now...I'm sorry. It just isn't that important to me.

This little family from 1968 is what is important to me right now... (Kathy, dad, Linda, mom and me)

Happy Places

When we traveled to Pennsylvania last week for my mother's burial service, we stayed in the town where she grew up, Greenville. We visited some of the homes she lived in and we went to one of her favorite restaurants.It was nice and somewhat comforting to be where she once lived her life as a young girl. It felt good to order graham cracker cream pie at Paxton's. She always loved a good piece of graham cracker cream. It was also nice to be in my aunt's home and share memories with her and listen to some old and new stories while looking through old pictures. Memories help us heal...so I've heard and I hope that is true.

I am Missing...

I am missing lots of things these days...obviously my mother, but with that I am also missing a variety of miscellaneous things.

I miss taking pictures. I just haven't been feeling the urge of late. I hope that will change.

I am missing the ability to just pick up the phone and chat with my mom. Advice to others: don't ever take that for granted.

I am missing a carefree feeling in my heart. It just feels so heavy right now.

I am missing my sisters. We spent so much time together recently and I miss their laughs, smiles, and even their tears. I miss the memories we shared and the family jokes.

I am missing Virginia Beach. I miss the place where I grew up and I miss the city where my mother lived for 37 of her last 77 years.

I miss the home I lived in for many years in Virginia Beach.

I miss laughing freely and openly. It just doesn't feel like a laughing season of my life right now.

I miss my mother's words of advice.

I miss showing my mom new things in my home and asking her opinion.

I miss time that has gone by and I can't recapture.

I know that many of these things will change with time. Some of them I don't want to change...others will need to change. Sorrow and loss are huge voids that swallow up a piece of your life that you may never reclaim. I assume that is how life goes. It just sucks while you're living it.

My Father

Through all of the tough times we have endured these past few weeks, our constant source of strength has been our father. My sisters and I have marvelled at his strong stance in the face of sorrow and loss. We have learned so much about him during all of this and I am so blessed to have such a loving and caring dad. I am also thankful that he is here visiting with us and we can try to help him a bit. As I reflect on my father and mother and think about my good fortune, I realize that these two incredibly powerful and loving people have influenced so much of my life. I am a lucky, lucky woman. I love you, dad.

A photo of my dad with the girls in December (taken by my sister)

Photos and Notes

This is a photo that sits by my computer. It was taken in June 1984 on my high school graduation day. That was such a perfect day for me. My parents held a big bash at our home after the graduation and we had tons of fun with family and friends. This picture was taken in their kitchen during the afternoon before the graduation ceremony. We had spent the day preparing for the party and all of the company and we were a bit tired. I remember the moment the camera snapped and I have always loved this picture. It seemed to perfectly capture the feelings my mother and I shared. Little snippets of life are constantly fluttering into my mind lately. I am so thankful for pictures that grabbed these memories and hold them tight. And, I love to just sit and stare at them. This is the most difficult time in my life, but I find great comfort in pictures and hand written notes from my mom. These are just more of the lessons I am learning from my mother...take pictures and write often.

My Mom

While we were in Greenville, Pennsylvania preparing for the burial of my dear mother, we stayed with her sister, my Aunt Sue. We looked through some of her photo albums and found so many wonderful pictures of my mother over the years. Here are just of few of the snapshots that captured my mother's smile and warm heart. I sure do miss her every minute of every day.

My mom and my auntMy aunt (on the left) and my mother roller skating in New York

My sweet little mother


My Grandpa Ande and my mom (love her dress in this photo)

My mom in our kitchen in Rockville, Maryland in the 60s

Mom, I love and miss you so much. You are in my heart, my eyes, my hands, and my home. I love, love, love you so very much.

Why I Blog

When people would ask me about blogging or question why I blogged, I would always say..."well, I really set the blog up so that I could share the every day stuff with my mom." And then I was always surprised if someone other than my mother was actually reading it. It was our way of keeping in touch with stories and pictures. Many times the stories I told she had already heard, but she wanted to see the images that went with those stories. I never had to remind her to check out the blog, she did that on her own and would tell me, "oh, honey I saw those pictures of the girls. They looked so cute." Or something very close to that.

So, I have thought long and hard about whether I wanted to write in this blog anymore or if its purpose had ended. And after being in my mother's house these past few days, she answered my question about the blog. I have uncovered countless numbers of planners and journals documenting every part of her life and interestingly enough, journaling the every day things in her life. I am so so so thankful for these bits of her life and they will be by far the best treasures. So, in her honor, I will continue to document the every day and carry on her legacy for my own children, who might someday find these entries and be thankful and happy to know their mother better.

Louise Ande Ruesch

Please say a prayer for my family today. My precious, sweet, loving mother passed away yesterday morning. Words can not express the feelings I have right now. My love for my parents is greater than I can put into words. My mother was truly one of a kind. She will be missed and loved forever.

Snow Fun in NC